ACNE: Getting Real and Honest

Time for a chat that I’ve been putting off for long enough…acne.

I’ve opened up on my Instagram about how I’ve been struggling with acne for quite some time now. I want to share more about this experience and images that no one else has ever seen to hopefully help you if this is something you’re going through.

Developing Acne

Just a little back story, I’ve always had pretty good skin. My skin was actually really clear until around August 2021. Around that time, I started getting a few pimples on my chin and jawline area. I didn’t really think much of it until it wouldn’t stop.

I thought that my acne was hormonal since it was in that stereotypical jawline area. After a lot of testing and research, I figured out that my acne was gut-related. I plan on doing a whole post about how my gut-health (or lack there of) caused my acne, because it’s too much for this and I’m still working through it.

In a matter of 2-3 months, my face was covered by full-blown cystic acne. The type of acne that’s underneath the skin, can’t be popped, and is painful. I felt so out of control and had no idea what was happening to my body. To say that my confidence was shot would be an understatement.

The Impact: Confidence

Let’s talk about the toll acne takes on your confidence. Going from having clear skin to a face full of acne in a matter of months has to be one of the worst blows to my confidence I’ve gone through. I know that sounds dramatic and I know that are SO many worse things that could happen to me. Trust me, I’m aware of that and so grateful, but that doesn’t take away that pain it causes people.

I’m finally on the mends with my acne, but honestly, I really didn’t like looking in the mirror during this time. The part of dealing with acne that makes it so frustrating is having no control. You’re really just watching your face change and can’t do much about it, at least for the reason mine developed.

I really can’t explain it, but if you have acne then you’ll understand. I just felt like everything I wore or did was diminished by my acne. I’ve experienced a lack of confidence with my weight and dance in the past, but nothing compared to this.

Having acne is having a constant fear in your mind of how you’re going to fix it, cover it up, and what people will think of you. It’s exhausting when you think about it.

I’ve spent countless nights crying out of frustration over what my skin looked like. I vividly remember one night looking in the mirror when my skin was probably at its worst (pictured above). I looked in the mirror and thought to myself, “I would never wish this upon my worst enemy.” Despite what any person did or does to me, I would never wish this kind of insecurity on them.

The Impact: Social Life

I think that the biggest impact acne has had in my life and what others would agree with is in my social life.

Pretty much all of my thoughts revolve around how to make no one notice my acne or judge me for it. Every time I go out with friends, I make sure that my acne is covered. Even when I was home with my family over the holidays, I wouldn’t let anyone see me without makeup. How sad is that?

I slept at my friends house one night when my acne was really bad. I remember washing my face and feeling so ashamed of her seeing it. There are trips and other social events I want to go to, but I always think how I can’t be seen without makeup, so I “can’t go.”

Dating has been really hard for me during this time because I can’t imagine anyone finding me attractive with acne. This isn’t true, but of course you’re going to think it when you have acne. I’m sorry, but if someone doesn’t like you because you have acne, that’s just a great way to see how you don’t want them in your life.

Having a social life is hard with acne, and I totally recognize that. It makes you want to stay inside, not see anyone, and if you do see people, hope that they don’t notice. If there’s anything I’ve learned through this experience, it’s that no one cares about your acne as much as you do. Hate to break it to you, but people will probably notice it, but they DON’T CARE.

No one chooses to be your friend because you have perfect skin. If they did, they’re not your friend. People love you for you, not your skin. Trust me, this is something I’m still struggling with, so I know that it can be hard to believe, but it’s true.

You’re Not Alone

I want to emphasize that I didn’t write this for pity or sympathy. I wrote this so that if you’re struggling with acne as well, you’re not alone and your feelings are so valid.

Having acne is hard. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not. The good news is that it’s not permanent, and it doesn’t last forever.

I’ll have more posts about how my acne is improving, what products I’m using, etc. For now, I love you all and you’re beautiful exactly how you are <3

xoxo