When did “Skinny” Become a Compliment?

I want to preface this by saying that it is not a bad thing to be thin. Some people are born with a naturally fast metabolism and cannot gain weight for the life of them. And guess what? They’re beautiful. Everybody is beautiful. The issue that I’m talking about in this blog is the psychological effects of using the word “skinny” to compliment someone…

On that note, have you ever been told that you looked skinny or heard someone use that word as a compliment? So often in today’s world, the word skinny has been equated to looking good. People strive to be skinny because that is what society perceives to be beautiful. When you log onto Instagram or watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, all you see are stick-thin models who are always called skinny. When did skinny become the definition of beautiful?

Skinny Does Not Equal Healthy

The reason why I have such a problem with the word “skinny” being used as a compliment, is because it is glorifying small bodies. Somewhere along the line, skinny has been equated to being healthy. Everyone wants to be healthy, right? Of course, we all strive to be our healthiest and best self, but does that always mean smaller?

Does anyone remember seeing images of Marilyn Monroe and hearing about how she was the epitome of beauty? Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 blouse and a 6-8 in pants. And she was considered beautiful! When did it morph into becoming a size 00 as the goal of beauty? She was perfectly healthy in her body, and was not considered “skinny.” You don’t have to be skinny to be healthy. Those two words have been turned into synonyms, but they can actually be the total opposite for some people. 

I consider myself a healthy individual. I wouldn’t say that I’m overweight, but I’m definitely not underweight. I’m at a weight where my body is happy and thriving. During college, I lost a lot of weight. I’m talking like 20 pounds…and I wasn’t overweight to begin with. When I lost that weight, I also lost my period, the ability to enjoy my favorite foods, and my joy. I definitely would not consider that “healthy.” I now weigh more than I ever did before I lost weight, but my body is so much healthier. I have a functioning body, a healthy menstrual cycle, and the ability to enjoy my life and eat my favorite foods. I’m not skinny, but I am healthy.

---

Don’t Call Me Skinny

When I came back to school 20 pounds lighter than the year before, the compliment I heard the most was how skinny I looked. It was supposed to be a compliment, and back then I considered it one too. When I constantly heard people telling me how skinny I looked, I had to assume that I was doing something right. If my friends and classmates are glorifying my body and telling me that I’m skinny and look good, then obviously I looked good. 

I didn’t have a rocky relationship with food until I was called “skinny”. When I was losing weight, I didn’t think about the way my body looked or even noticed much of a difference. I still got ice cream and enjoyed my friends and family, but I was just always choosing the healthier option. Once I began being called “skinny”, I associated eating less with being better. I truly didn’t even notice a change in my body until I heard the word “skinny” come out of others’ mouths.

My goal was to stay skinny. Everyone wanted to be smaller, especially as dancers. I thought that I had a one-up on others because I had already attained the “skinny” status. I would miss out on going out to eat and not getting dessert (which if you know me, you know how crazy that is). Even though I looked “good” on the outside, my inside was anything but.

The Weight of the Word

When you call someone “skinny,” you are associating the size of their body with looking good. Some people are just born thin and don’t have to work at it. As a child, I was extremely thin, but that’s just because I was super active and had an amazing metabolism. For others, in order to be skinny, they need to go on every diet under the sun, count every calorie that goes in their body, and workout for hours on end. There is an immense amount of work that goes into getting that thin body, which most likely happened in an unhealthy manner. Imagine doing all that work, and hearing someone call you skinny. Of course, you’re going to keep doing all that work, and then some. Who doesn’t want a compliment?

The word “skinny” feeds into the unhealthy behavior of diet culture. The culture of smaller = better. The culture of doing whatever it takes to get to that smaller body, even if you have to starve yourself, workout 24/7 or never eat dessert again. It doesn’t matter because you will be “skinny” and look “good.” At least for me, that sounds absolutely crazy. You should not be killing yourself in the kitchen and gym to maintain a thin body. If you need to do all that work to have a certain body size, then you most likely shouldn’t even be that body size. 

My point is, when you call someone “skinny” after they’ve been through countless hours of dieting and emotional turmoil, you’re just adding fuel to the fire. You are going to correlate all the negative behaviors they’ve gone through to get that body with looking good. This can lead to eating disorders, negative relationships with food, and body dysmorphia.

---

How Can I Compliment Someone on their Weight?

Don’t. Simple as that. There is no reason we should be complimenting someone on the size of their body. The words “skinny” and “fat” should NEVER be coming out of our mouths. Those words have such negative connotations and are related to diet culture. I understand that if you know someone who was overweight and now lost weight in a healthy manner, you want to compliment them…but how? Before I go on, I just want to point out how I said: “in a healthy manner.” How do you know it was a healthy way they lost weight? You never know what someone has gone through to lose weight.

If you want to compliment someone on their outwards appearance, maybe tell them that they look radiant, healthy, or glowing. These are all words that reflect their outwards appearance but have nothing to do with the actual size of their body. Better yet, compliment someone on their positive characteristics that have nothing to do with how they look on the outside. Tell them that they are good friends, hard-working, reliable, loyal, or have a good sense of humor. These are amazing qualities that won’t change, even if their body does. These are the qualities that really matter.

I hope that if you ever want to compliment someone on the size of their body or want to say that they look “skinny,” you think again. Our words are extremely powerful. They can drive someone to be the best version of themselves. They can also drive someone into a pattern of disordered eating because they’ve been called “skinny.” Just remember how beautiful you all are, and that it has nothing to do with the size of your body.

xoxo

---